I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
