i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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