Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
