Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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