no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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