didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
