and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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