He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize