I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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