She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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