cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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