We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
