Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Randomize
