and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
