We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
