when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
