i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
