i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
