How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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