I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
