um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
