They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
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I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
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I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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