He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
