when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
