I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
