Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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