Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
