So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Is it because I queefed?
two words: eviction party
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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