dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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