My sheets look like a crime scene.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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