Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
What drink are we having for lunch?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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