I feel like abortions should bother me more
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
