Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
