The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
