I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
