i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
