There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
