You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
