Jerry, you need to find god
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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