thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
