So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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