8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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