It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
