It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Randomize
