so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
