For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
