We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
