i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
