Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
