Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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