We need to rekindle our bromance
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
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I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
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Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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