Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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