How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
