Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize