You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
whose parrot is this?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
