i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
