i think my tv is drunk
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
