I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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