i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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