my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
