Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
