Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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