it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
