ya dads aren't the best wingmen
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
