Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
