I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
