He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
