I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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