Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
