his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize