I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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