neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
