You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
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