I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it