He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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