the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
