But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you win again, gameday.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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