Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
