WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
