I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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