accomplished twins. life is a go
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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