I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
