I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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