It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
