She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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