Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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