chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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