We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
