Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
