Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
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I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
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I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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