You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
