Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
