You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
