i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
