Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
